This song is to be sung by two performers, a Kirk fan (the left-hand, plain text) and a Spock fan (the right hand, italic text). Obvious really, but if I don't say so, someone's bound to ask.
When Star Trek's best and full of zest
Emotion is the key.
The captain's angst impressed the ranks
As everyone can see.
Emotion is the key to this,
Eliminate all trace.
For Star Trek's fame uniquely came
From Spock's impassive face.
The truth is clear for all to hear;
When first we boldly went,
In love or pain the Kirk would strain
To show us what he meant.
To keep excitment flowing right
Meant angst and anger shown.
Except thuswise the Enterprise
Would simply not have flown.
So keep emotion in the picture
And show it on your face,
For if it's bland it will not stand
The test of time and space.
It may be fun for the active one
To set emotions free,
But those who hear with Logic's ear
Will give no sympathy.
Keep cool and calm with open palm,
All love and hate erase,
And soon you'll find your powers of mind
Will keep the fans in place.
For one thing folks found fascinating
Was men with pointed ears
Who with good grace and stony face
Found little point in fear.
All youngsters play the heroic way
And follow Captain Kirk
But older boys chuck out those toys;
Be vulcan, not a jerk!
Kirk's got a girl in every port
And Spock in every con.
Who holds the flame of Star Trek's name?
The captain The vulcan
The captain! The vulcan!
THE CAPTAIN!! THE VULCAN!!
The {captain/vulcan} is the one!