In UK convention-running jargon, a "wallyphone" is a walkie-talkie. They were so dubbed because at the first large convention where they were used, the staff who insisted on using them constantly acted like complete wallys.
The con hall is wide, I cannot get through,
And neither can I shout too loud.
But give me the help of a wallyphone
And I'll speak to Ops depite this crowd.
A wallyphone in the Ops room stands,
Its twin I hold in my right hand.
But I can't talk to them that way —
My battery's dry as desert sand.
A gopher passed who was six foot eight;
I hoped that he would be my friend.
I asked him "Tell Ops I'm out of juice."
He looked like I was round the bend.
The con hall is wide, I cannot get through,
Nor can I reach the other door.
My wallyphone is dead and gone
And now I'll speak to Ops no more.